For the Love of the Family Ministries ^TM
Missionaries to America's Forgotten Mission Field, the Family
The Most Important Key In Rearing Children To Live For The Lord Part 3
Dr. Terry L. Coomer, Pastor
Ministry of Hope Baptist Church
139 Shadow Oaks Drive
Sherwood, AR 72120
501-819-0446
TLCOOMER@juno.com

These messages may be copied in their entirety to help Christians in the rearing of their children for God and strengthening their family. They are not to be changed in any manner or to be sold. This header must be on any copy. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the author.

The Most Important Key In Rearing Children to Live
For the Lord Dealing With Anger
Part Three

I want to take the opportunity to review a few points from the last article. Last time, we talked about how you lose the heart of a child. The most important key in child rearing is to get and keep the heart of the child. Pray for and ask God to give you your child’s heart. The heart can be lost, the heart can be hardened, and the heart can be stolen. The rebellion in a child happens in that order. The biggest thing that causes the parent to lose the heart of their child is ungodly sinful anger on the part of one or both of the parents.

I recently heard a story where a kindergarten teacher was helping a student with his boots. The child was struggling to get the boots on, so the teacher came over to help. After they finally got the boots on, the child said, Teacher, they are on the wrong fee t. Sure enough, the teacher looked down and the boots were on the wrong feet. So, off they came and there was a struggle in getting them back on. Just as soon as the teacher got them on, the child said, Teacher these are not my boots. The teacher was starting to get upset, but knew she needed to be a good example to the child. So, off the boots came. As soon as they were off the child said, These are my brothers boots, and my mom made me wear them today. By now the teacher is almost beside herself trying to control her frustration and anger started to grow. So, back on the boots went. When she finally got them on and it was a struggle, she asked the child, Where are your mittens? He said , I put them in the toe of my boots!

 How we react to these types of every day things will tell us if we have a sinful, angry spirit. The question is why would the teacher be angry? Because she was frustrated with the circumstances, impatient, and there is no room here to be angry. Think about how many times you have been irritated and reacted with your children and then think about trying to get their heart. If you wrestle with a temper, you may be laughing on the outside but crying on the inside. Anger has a way of disarming us and robbing us of our testimonies, husbands, wives, and our children.

I read about a Christian man who poured out his heart to his Pastor, he had battered his wife the night before. She was humiliated, bruised, and too embarrassed to come with him.

A Pastor sat in a jail cell with a young Christian father who had his face buried in his hands. Tears ran down his face and through his fingers as he told of his temper. He had just killed his infant daughter with his own hands in an uncontrollable rage. He had been irritated by the baby’s crying.

Folks, anger isn’t a humorous matter. It is something that must be understood, admitted, and kept under control, or it will literally slay us and our families. As a Pastor for more than 25 years, I have seen so much of this and it is scary.

Many Christian men jump on their wife or their children in anger and they will call it righteous anger or righteous indignation, when in reality it is nothing more than sin. There is nothing righteous about it. Many times women do the same thing. Folks, when you do that you are moving the heart of your child away from you.

The number of children that grow up in a Christian home and do not grow up to serve God is staggering. This matter of the heart is a serious matter that most Christians do not even think about let alone understand. The heart is way too fragile to with stand the ungodly anger of the parents.
Anger is an emotional reaction of hostility that brings personal displeasure either to ourselves or to someone else. Anger can begin with a mild irritation, which is nothing more than an experience of being upset, a mild feeling of discomfort brought about by someone or something. Then anger can turn from irritation to indignation, which is a feeling that something must be answered. There must be an avenging of that which is wrong. Both irritation and indignation can go unexpressed. If fed, indignation leads to wrath which never goes unexpressed. Wrath is a strong desire to avenge. As wrath increases, anger becomes fury. The word fury suggests violence, even a loss of emotional control. The last phase of anger is rage. Obviously, rage is the most dangerous form of anger. Rage is a temporary loss of control involving acts of violence; the angry person scarcely realizes what he has done.

I want to give you three thoughts about ungodly anger. First of all, anger is deceptive. Matthew 5:22-25,.But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry at his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment whosoever shall say to his brother Raca The word Raca means empty headed one.

How many parents call their children names in anger, and expect to see that child give them their heart or grow up to live for God. Many times an angry person feels justified about being angry. An angry man causes his children to be discouraged, Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Proverbs 14:17, He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly; and a man of wicked devices is hated. When you deal with your children in ungodly anger, it is foolish and it leads to being hated. Proverbs 22:24-25,Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go; lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. The Bible here describes anger as a snare to your soul!

You as a parent, husband, or wife, have to conquer anger in your life before you will ever turn around your child whose heart you have lost.

I have seen many children who have grown up in the home of a strict disciplinarian who uses ungodly anger. The child obeys on the outside, but in the heart he is moving away from the parent. When, in fact, the parent wants the child to grow up to serve God, but the child does not. The parent is heart broken and the child lives a life of wickedness. The parent is wondering what happened here.

Before anybody goes and says, what about discipline? There is nothing wrong with firm discipline done correctly. In the Bible, discipline is compassionate and firm, but not ungodly. There is nothing wrong with being firm and even forceful. There is plenty wrong with doing so in sinful anger. When our girls were younger and they had done something wrong, we as parents took them into another room and sat down on the bed with them and explained calmly, firmly, and lovingly, what they had done wrong. We told them we were displeased with it and Jesus was displeased with it and they needed to understand that. (I have talked extensively about proper discipline of the child in other articles. Please look at the family section of our web site under proper discipline of the child). We told them they were going to receive a spanking. They received some whacks on the bottom with a rod and then we hugged them and told them that Jesus loved them and so did we. We also prayed together and they asked Jesus and their parents to forgive them.

Our goal was firm, godly, loving, and proper discipline. You do not scream at the child. You do not smack the child. You do not chase the child around the room with a belt. You do not explode at the child because you have something else going on inside of you. Many Christian parents get angry at their children or their spouses because they are irritated about something else and justify their behavior. One Christian lady stated she was afraid to bring the mail in because her husband would explode over receiving the bills in the mail. Their home is not an example of the love of Christ. In fact, it is a home that is dominated by the anger of one or both parents. Most of all, you have to remember you are dealing with the will and heart of the child and you want to get and keep the heart of the child, Proverbs 23:26. What I am talking about here does not mean you are a wimp and are being run over by a rebellious spouse or rebellious children. This article is talking about how to prevent that. A few articles in the future will talk about how you turn a situation around that is now a disaster.

Matthew 12:7, tells us we are to have a merciful Christ like spirit. Good parenting is calm, attentive, firmness. Anger is not caused by what is going on outside of you, but what is going on the inside of you.

I can hear someone say, Is there ever a time for righteous anger in the life of a Christian? Yes, b ut the purpose of this article is talk about dealing with ungodly anger, and what causes you to lose your child’s heart.

Secondly, lets look at what the Bible describes as ungodly anger. In Proverbs 25:28, the Bible describes it as a city without walls. Anger takes away all our defenses; it breaks down the defense walls. In Proverbs 27:3, anger is described as an unbearable load. In Proverbs 27:4, the Bible
describes this type of anger as cruel and outrageous.

I was reminded recently about a Pastors wife and family that were devastated by his anger. The wife and children were living in mortal fear of his next explosion. No one would do anything that they might think would possibly upset dad. The family had a dog they loved. The dog got out and did something the dad did not like. The father in anger told the wife and children, if the dog gets out and does that again, I will kill that dog. The wife had raised that dog from a pup and loved the dog. Well, the dog accidentally got out, and did the same thing again. In front of his wife and children he took a shot gun and killed their beloved pet. Even though they were crying and asked him not to do so and tried to stop him. He not only killed his dog that day, he killed the heart of his wife and his children. The family ended up in total disaster and none of the children grew up to serve God. When confronted about this, the Pastor did not see he had an anger problem and still does not to this day although he has lost everything, including his wife and his children. Folks, I have counseled with many Pastors who have lost their families and it always goes back to this area of anger which they fail to see. Anger is deceptive.

Many Christians deal with their children in ungodly anger when the child does not do what they want them to do. There is a very powerful verse about this in Proverbs 22:8, He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail. Your ungodly anger makes the child worse and your discipline will fail.

Many times I have visited someone in jail. I ask this question, Did your dad or mom ever discipline you? Almost always a smile comes on their face an d they will say something like, Yeah the old man really laid it on me. Did it work? Obviously not !

Many Christian parents believe that anger is the way to deal with their child. Ungodly anger in dealing with your child will fail and you will have a broken heart.

Thirdly, where does ungodly anger come from? Proverbs 21:24, Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath. Ungodly anger comes from pride. Who is the author of that? Keep in mind folks Satan is a deceiver and he has deceived many of Gods people into believing that using ungodly anger on their children will bring their children into line. When, in fact, it moves the child away from the heart of the parent and the parent away from the child. Proverbs 13:10, Proverbs 26:12, Psalm 10:4. Proverbs 16:18 says, Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. This is why many parents believe they are doing all they can do to rear their child for Christ and they use anger in the home. When the fall (disaster) happens they are upset and angry because they have ran their home in ungodly anger expecting to produce spiritual results. It just does not happen, and many are deceived. It is a huge disaster in multitudes of Christians homes. I believe this is th e main reason most children who grow up in a Christian home do not grow up to serve God. The pride and anger that is going on in Christian homes also leads to many other sins of the flesh.

Remember, your goal is to get the heart of the child and keep the heart of the child. Pride makes us forget how much God has forgiven us. A person of pride lashes out in anger at anyone who offends then including their wife, children, husband or parents.

Take responsibility for your anger by humbling yourself. Anger can also come from the tension of unresolved guilt. Proverbs 26:28, A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin. As an example, someone tells a lie about you and then gets mad at you. Guilt makes them angry.

Meekness is strength under control and ungodly anger is strength out of control.

    How Do I Deal With Ungodly Anger?

1.    Quit justifying your anger. Anger is the justified sin of Christians.
2.    Accept personal responsibility for your anger.
3.    Remember the anger is inside of you. Quit fighting the consequences of anger.
4.    Confess anger as pride.
5.    Deal with any guilt of the past.
6.    Forgive others.
7.    Seek to become meek (humility).
8.    Think of the blessing when you quit being angry.

    Some Practical Points

1.    Learn to ignore petty disagreements, Proverbs 19:11. In Gods eyes, it is glory if you are big enough to overlook an offense.
2.    Refrain from close association with anger prone people. Proverbs 22:24-25
3.    Keep a very close check on your tongue. Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 21:23
4.    Cultivate honesty in communication; don’t l et anger build up, Proverbs 27:4-6. There is no substitute for total honesty spoken in love, Ephesians 4:15.

Folks, the heart is much too delicate to survive the catastrophic situation of the ungodly anger of the parents.

When we are angry in an ungodly fashion, we give place to the devil, Ephesians 4:27. Then the devil reproduces his character through you. Jesus wants to reproduce His character through us. When we are under control of the Holy Spirit, then the character of Jesus flows freely through us, His love, His gentleness, His compassion, His joy, and His concern for others.

Ephesians 4:31, Let ALL    wrath, and anger be put away from you. Ephesians    4:32, And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christs sake hath forgiven you.

Understanding what ungodly anger is and does is extremely important in getting and keeping your child’s heart. It is also a key in not allowing your child’s heart to be stolen.

If you have been angry with your wife, children, husband without a cause, you need to go confess and apologize for your ungodly anger. The first step in dealing with it is to humble yourself. James 4:10, Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, an d he shall lift you up. In dealing with your wife , husband or children, remember a spirit controlled people in Ephesians 5:21 the Bible tells us are, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear o f God. Ungodly anger has no place in it.

Dr. Terry L. Coomer is the Pastor of Hope Baptist Church, and the Director of For the Love of the Family Ministries. He has also served as the Publisher of the nation's fastest growing daily newspaper. Pastor Coomer holds Family Conferences in the local church. To have a meeting at your church or other needs he may be contacted at (501) 819-0446, tlcoomer@juno.com. There are many helpful articles and material on our web site to help you change your life at www.fortheloveofthefamily.com. We serve the God of answers. If you need help finding those answers you may contact us at tlcoomer@juno.com. To be removed from our mailing list send an e-mail to tlcoomer@juno.com.

"Rearing Spiritual Children To Serve the Savior"

Testimonial from Teresa Steege, Dr. Coomer's oldest daughter: "Dad, thank you for writing this book. It is very good and I thought Dan's forward (Pastor Dan Tessin Missionary to the Philippines) was good as well. I am praying that it will help a lot of people and I think it will. Love, Teresa."

Recommendation: Dr. David Cloud, Way Of Life Literature

Our new book, 178 pages, 20 chapters, 8 1/4" X 5 ½", is a spiritual and extremely practical book. Dr. Terry Coomer takes us back to the Bible for training our children to grow up and serve God. This is a must read for every Christian parent who is serious about their children and family walking with God. This book takes you through all the important steps that are neglected today and will help every parent know how to be successful in rearing spiritual children to grow up and serve the Savior. The forward by Missionary to the Philippines, Pastor Dan Tessin says: "The reason Dr. Coomer's teachings are so helpful is three-fold: First, and most importantly, they are rooted and based on God's Word. Only God's Word can truly change a life. The second reason why this book is an excellent resource for the family is because Dr. Coomer and his wife Kim have successfully raised two daughters using the Bible as their standard for the home. Both of Dr. Coomer's daughters have married godly men and are now active in Christian service. Thirdly, Dr. Coomer has had thirty years of ministry experience of pastoring in four fundamental churches. He has seen and dealt with many family situations over the years. This experience has aided greatly in preparing him to be of help to today's family. Praise the Lord for raising up a man to write a book which leads us in how to rear up spiritual children to serve The Savior."

CHILD TRAINING MUST BE A HIGH PRIORITY - One thing that is consistent with parents who have had the joy of seeing their children serve Christ is that they have made this a high priority. It is not something that just happens by taking kids to church. In his excellent new book Rearing Spiritual Children, Pastor Terry Coomer testifies: We had not been saved very long and were in the first few months of Bible College. I was not impressed with the children that were being reared around me at college. Also, I was not impressed with many of the pastor's children I saw and with those who were preparing to serve God as pastors and the children they were rearing. I shared this with my wife and we prayed and asked God for help in this matter. We sat down together and read every verse in the Bible that talked about rearing children, our responsibility in rearing our children, an d any verse that was remotely connected. We prayed and meditated over the verses and asked that God would make them real in our lives. We started the plan when Teresa was a baby and we made this a goal in our lives. God was gracious to show us many things we needed. We were not spiritually mature Christians when we started to look at these verses; we were just a young couple asking God to help us rear our children for Him. James 4:8 became very real in our lives, Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. God began to teach us and we applied what the Lord was showing us. I would go in to Teresa's room every evening while she was asleep as a baby and get down beside the bed and pray for God to help us to be spiritual parents, to do exactly as He commanded, and to not let us fail in this matter (Rearing Spiritual Children, 2009, p. 46, www.fortheloveofthefamily.com). Observe that this couple did not accept the status quo. They wanted something different for their home and for their children than what they were seeing around them even at a fundamental Baptist Bible College. They made godly child training a high priority, and studied God's Word and trusted Him to lead them in this matter. The proper goal, of course, is to produce young people who know Christ personally and who seek His perfect will, whatever that turns out to be for their individual lives.



Why We Use the King James Bible: Testimonial from Dr. Don Jasmin, Publisher of the Fundamentalist Digest, concerning Why We Use the King James Bible. "In this 16 page booklet, Dr. Coomer has penned a brief, easy readable, simple and excellent treatise that is self explanatory. Dr. Coomer cites five reasons for exclusive KJB usage: (1) Textual (2) Theological (3) Philosophical (4) Cultural (5) Practical. If you desire to give naive believers some simple, plausible and confirming explanations for exclusive KJB use, this concise booklet sets forth those reasons! KJB advocates ought to purchase this concise treatise by the wagon load and make them available to their undiscerning friends. Pastors should purchase multiple copies for distribution to all new members. Get this book in quantity! You won't be disappointed."

On occasion I have been asked why we at Hope Baptist Church use the outdated King James Bible. The issue of the text of the Bible became an issue for me as a Pastor in the early 1980's. As I listened to different people I became concerned about the desire to literally do away with the King James Bible. Sitting in a preacher's meeting several years ago I heard a leader of a fellowship of Independent-Fundamental Baptist Churches state, The New International Version of the Bible is an easier Bible to read. I would suggest that you go home to your churches and encourage your people to use this new Bible! That particular fellowship followed the advice of that noted leader and today they are at the liberal end of the New Evangelical movement with churches that no longer have the word Baptist in their church names. Therefore, I decided to study the issue with great care because of the importance it played in my life and the lives of the people God had called me to minister to. I studied and totally read 36 different books written by authors on both sides of the issue. We wanted to create a booklet for the average person in the pew who wants to have a basic understanding of the subject. This booklet will be good for Pastors to give to people in their congregation or outside the church to simply explain the issue. The booklets are $3.00 each and if you buy 25 or more they are $2.00 each plus shipping and handling. We also have the messages on three compact discs for $9.00 plus shipping and handling.

The Most Important Key In Rearing Children to Serve the Lord-Dealing With Anger, by Pastor Terry L. Coomer. Pastor Coomer takes us step by step on how to deal with ungodly anger in our lives. He also shows us how to rear our children to not have an angry spirit. Many Christian's homes, marriages, and children have been destroyed by ungodly anger in the home. Many Christians do not realize they have an angry spirit and do not realize the serious problems which result from their ungodly anger. A powerful exposition of the anger passages of the Bible. A must read if you are serious about wanting your children to grow up and serve God and desire practical help in dealing with the hidden sin of Christianity. These booklets are available for $5.00 per booklet order 25 or more $4.00 each.

Testimony: "I never realized I had an anger problem. Many things had went wrong in our home and I did not understand why. After reading your article on anger I repented of my sin and God has changed my life and our home. Thank you for providing this information which is so desperately needed and thank you for helping me." Maryland.

Tongues Speaking in the Book of Acts and I Corinthians, by Pastor Terry L. Coomer. This is an in depth study of all the passages dealing with this subject in Acts and I Corinthians. Easy to read and great to have available to give to people who are confused about this subject. One missionary who read the booklet commented, I graduated from Bible College and I have never heard this subject presented in such a Biblical common sense way as Pastor Coomer has presented it. Great material. These booklets are available for $4.00 per booklet order 25 or more they are $3.00 each.

What is Wrong With the Christians of America? Sermon by Pastor Terry L. Coomer available by e-mail or by regular mail $1.00 each. This sermon deals with the lack of spiritual desire by the Christians of America. A sermon that gives keen spiritual and Biblical insight to the spiritual problems that are causing great harm in the lives of many Christians and to our families.

How to Have a Daily Time with God, a practical step by step approach to having a personal, passionate, intimate relationship with God. Pastor Coomer shows you how to get the most out of your Bible reading, what books to read and how to have a daily journal of your insights with God. Extremely practical and easy to follow. Gives you the scriptural reason for having a daily time with God. These booklets are available for $4.00 per booklet order 25 or more they are $3.00 each.
 
How to Deal With Hurt, by Pastor Terry L. Coomer. Many Christian families are not serving God today because they have at one time been hurt. The tragedy to their lives, their children's lives, and to the church is great. In an exposition of Psalm 37 Pastor Coomer shows us the flesh cycle that many Christians live in when they are hurt and the spiritual cycle that God wants us to live in. Extremely practical and greatly needed by families who are hurting. These booklets are available for $4.00 per booklet order 25 or more they are $3.00 each.

How To Have A Real Relationship With God, Pastor Coomer takes us step by step on how to have a real, intimate, personal, and passionate relationship with God. Many Christians are living their life in unrighteousness or self righteousness (self power) rather than righteousness and do not understand why they are unhappy, defeated, and discouraged. In fact, many are literally crying, devastated and destroyed. They fail to see how the devil works in their life and the devastating affect this has on their marriage, home, relationships, and children. This is a must read to understand why many Christians fail and the disasters that take place within their lives. How To Have A Real Relationship With God will give you principles that will change your life. These booklets are available for $5.00 per booklet order. 25 or more $4.00 ea ch.
Testimony of a Pastor-Michigan, "I read your message on How to Have A Real Relationship With God. As much as I hate to admit it, I see the reason I am failing in the ministry is because I have served and lived with a self righteous life rather than a real relationship with God. Thank you for helping me. This has changed my life."

The Difficulties of Pride In Our Lives, Pastor Coomer helps us to see how pride has hurt our lives and what we can do to deal with this sin that has harmed many Christian's lives. He also shows us that pride is a root sin and many other sins come off of it. Extremely practical and a must read for every Christian who wants to be serious about having a real walk with God. $4.00 each purchase 25 or more $3.00 each.

How To Deal With Bitterness, Many Christian families are not serving God today because they have at one time been hurt in some way and they become bitter. The tragedy to their lives, their children's lives, and to the church is great. Pastor Coomer shows us the cycle many people go through and the Biblical answer to deal with bitterness in our lives. Extremely practical and greatly needed by families who are hurting. These booklets are available for $3.00 per booklet. Order 25 or more for $2.00 each.


We have 6 messages on CD by Pastor Coomer available from the Counseling Pastor's conference at Cozzadale Baptist Temple in Cincinnati, OH. They are: