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For
the Love of the Family Ministries
Missionaries to
America's Forgotten Mission Field, the Family
For the Love of the
Family Series
Pastor Terry L.
Coomer
Ministry of Elwood
Bible Baptist Church
504 North 12th
Street, P.O. Box 535 Elwood, IN 46036
(765) 552-1973
TLCOOMER@juno.com
These
messages may be copied in their entirety to help Christians in
the task of rearing their children for God. They are not to be
changed in any manner or to be sold. This header must be on any
copy. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the
author.
Rearing Spiritual
Children Part 3
Proverbs 4:1-13 "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a
father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you
good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father's
son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He
taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my
words: keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom, get
understanding: forget it not: neither decline from the words
of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee:
love her and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal
thing: therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get
understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she
shall bring thee to honor, when thou dost embrace her. She
shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: a crown of
glory shall she deliver to thee. Hear, O my son, and receive
my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many. I have
taught thee in the way of wisdom; I have lead thee in right
paths. When thou goest, thy steps shall be straitened; and
when thou runnest, thou shalt not stumble. Take fast hold of
instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life."
The book of Proverbs
is about a man instructing his son spiritually. We have seen in
this series of messages that God not only says we can rear
spiritual children, He expects us to. It is important for every
Christian parent to realize that the devil makes war on babies.
Not only does the devil make war on baby Christians, but also he
makes war on our babies. If the devil cannot get to you, he
desires to get to you through your children. The reality we need
to understand is that we are in a spiritual battle. Ephesians
6:4, 16 "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but
bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Above
all, taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to
quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." These two verses are
connected very importantly in this matter of rearing our
children to love and serve their Savior.
The shield of faith
is a vital part of the Christians armor. You are to put on the
"whole armor of God" because the Christian life is a warfare, a
spiritual conflict. The problem today is the Christian who hears
these words, but does not really hear them. I am convinced that
most Christians hear they are in a spiritual battle but do not
understand the battle is real. Therefore, they do not live like
it is real and they have no idea how to train their children in
this matter. Rearing our children for God is a serious issue
that is not being understood in this apostate hour. As the
Apostle Paul names the different parts of the Christian's armor,
he comes to the shield of faith and emphasizes its importance by
saying, "Above all, taking the shield of faith…"-for with the
shield of faith, nothing can hurt you; you are more than
conquers through Him. Romans 8:31, 37.
Parents it is
important for you to be spiritually dressed every day. The devil
will seek to destroy our lives and our children's lives. Parents
you and I will never minister to our children spiritual things
unless we have been ministered to by the Lord. We need to get
spiritually dressed every day and teach our children how to be
spiritually dressed. How do we do that? I think there is
something important here. You can open your Bible every day and
go about it methodically, mechanically with a ho hum attitude.
You will be spiritually blinded and dead. II Timothy 2:15 "Study
to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to
be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." The word study
here means to give diligence to. Listen carefully, we need to go
at the study of the Word of God prayerfully, passionately." We
need to pray "Lord I want you to open the Word of God to me
today. Holy Spirit be my teacher and my guide. Lord is there any
sin that stands between me and you today? Show me my sin." When
God does show you any sin you must confess the sin, repent from
the sin and forsake the sin. Then and only then will you be able
to minister to others, which includes your own children. We then
need to pray for the filling of the Holy Spirit. We need to ask
God to control us that day by the Holy Spirit. We need to ask
God to help us put on the armor of God today. This must be done
every day.
Folks, I do not see
much passion today among Christians for rearing children for
God. The major reason is it takes work to have a spiritual
relationship with God and it takes even more work to convey how
to have a spiritual relationship to your children. Most parents
have never sat down and talked with their children about dealing
with their sin, understanding their old nature etc. One of the
greatest experiences of my life was with our oldest daughter,
Teresa. Teresa recently graduated from Bible College and has
married a godly young man and they are currently preparing to go
to the mission field. She has a heart for God. When she was
sixteen the Lord laid on my heart to spend more time with her.
For the next two years every Sunday after church we would go get
a coke and take a drive. Some times we would drive for hours and
just talk about he Lord.
She would ask
spiritual questions and we would talk about them. No subject was
out of bounds. We talked about developing our relationship with
the Lord. We talked about how to really pray and what she was
learning from her Bible. What was God speaking to her about? We
would talk about what she was looking for in a godly young man
for a husband. I made sure she understood that she needed a
young man who would not be lead by his emotions, but one who
would be lead by the word of God. I explained that a young man
who is lead by his emotions would eventually lead her into sin.
We prayed together and became closer as a father and a daughter.
I made sure she understood what her mother and I expected from
her when she left our home. The key here was it took time. I had
to make the time. To this day when she really wants to talk
about spiritual issues she says "dad can we go get a coke and
take a drive?" This time spent with our daughter on the Lord's
day helped her at a time when she was preparing to leave our
home to understand the importance we and the Lord placed on our
spiritual lives. Parents, spiritual communication is one of the
keys to rearing godly children. The second key is taking the
time to do it. The third key is I have to have a spiritual
relationship with the Lord myself to be able to share my
spiritual heart with my child. Teresa is a lovely young lady who
was home schooled, became a spiritual leader at Bible College,
and has a heart to serve and love the Lord. Listen carefully; do
not assume the children understand spiritual truth. You need to
communicate spiritual truth and repeat it over and over.
Repetition is the key to learning. Set the time aside and pray
much for God to give you the child's heart. Proverbs 23:26. When
God does give you the child's heart make sure you put the right
things there. I showed my daughters how to have a daily time
with God and went over it with them repeatedly. I looked at
their notebooks and asked them questions and prayed with them.
(We have a program developed for our church people called "How
to Have a Daily Time with God." It goes step by step on how to
have a daily time with God and gives the books of your Bible you
should read in the order you should read them and what you are
looking for in your Bible). It is available by writing to our
address. Our daughters were taught this from a young age. By the
time they went to Bible College they knew their Bible very well
and their spiritual relationship was well established. When we
send our children to Bible College we need to send them to a
place that will stretch and challenge them spiritually. They
need to be challenged to expand their relationship for God. Do
not send your children to a place where there is no challenge to
live for God.
When the Lord gave
my wife and I children, we were young Christians. We had not
been saved very long and were in the first few months of Bible
College. My wife almost died in childbirth with Teresa. I got on
my knees at 4:00 A.M. in the hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee,
and asked God to spare the life of my wife and daughter. If he
would do so, I would promise to rear my daughter for Him. I was
not impressed with the children that were being reared around me
at Bible College. Also, I was not impressed with many of the
Pastor's children I saw and with those who were preparing to
serve God as Pastors and the children they were rearing. I
shared this with my wife and we prayed and asked God for help in
this matter. We sat down together and read every verse in the
Bible that talked about rearing children, our responsibility in
rearing our children, and any verse that was remotely connected.
We prayed over the verses and asked that God would make them
real in our life. We started the plan when Teresa was a baby and
we made this a goal in our life. God was gracious to show us
many things we needed. We were not spiritually mature Christians
when we started to look at these verses; we were just a young
couple asking God to help us rear our children for Him. James
4:8 became very real in our life, "Draw nigh to God, and he will
draw nigh to you." God began to teach us and we applied what the
Lord was showing us.
I would go in to
Teresa's room every evening while she was asleep as a baby and
get down beside the bed and pray for God to help us to be
spiritual parents, to do exactly as He commanded and to not let
us fail in this matter. It takes commitment on the part of the
parents to make this happen. As a Pastor, I believe the Bible
teaches that I do not have a ministry unless my children live
for God. I know many people do not like to hear that, but the
Bible tells us so. One of the qualifications of a Pastor as
stated in I Timothy 3:4-5 "One that ruleth well his own house
having his children in subjection with all gravity; For if a man
know not how to rule (manage) his own house, how shall he take
care of the church of God?"
Parents, as soon as
Junior learns to read get him started in his own daily time with
God. We started with our children before they could read reading
them a book called "Little Talks with God." We also read to them
"Keys for Kids." We talked to them as small children about what
it means to be saved and having a testimony for the Lord. We
prayed daily with them and talked and prayed with them for
others to be saved. As spiritual issues came up we discussed it
with them.
Do you know how many
times the word instruction is used in Proverbs? Twenty-five
times. It is used only eight times in the rest of the Bible.
Proverbs 4:1 "Hear ye children, the instruction of a father."
Proverbs 4:4 "He (meaning father) taught me also". Parents,
whenever God wants to make a point in the Bible he repeats it.
In Proverbs he has repeated it twenty five times! Parents, he is
saying you receive instruction from the Lord and give it to your
children. That takes work! It means more than just reading a
verse with them before they go to bed and praying a little
prayer.
I also want to point
out to you something important about Proverbs 23:26, the last
phrase says "let thine eyes observe my ways." Have you ever
thought about what is the true definition of spirituality? The
definition of true spirituality is the believer's submissive
relationship to the Holy Spirit. Parents, he says "follow my
example, observe my ways." If your children never see you
submitting to the Holy Spirit they sure will not respond to the
Holy Spirit. You need to respond to the Holy Spirit not just in
services, but in the home as well. If God the Holy Spirit has
dealt with you about something that you want to change in the
home, set the children down and tell them the Holy Spirit has
dealt with you and this is the reason you are going to change
this. If necessary, tell them this is sin and I have confessed
this to the Lord. They see then that God is dealing in your
every day life. Folks, that is important!
One of the real
failures in child rearing is that we have given our children
exposure, but not true instruction.
We may bring them to
all the services, as well we should. They learn a few verses in
Sunday school and we feel pretty good about that. We can even
put them in a Christian school and have prayer at meals and at
bedtime. All these things are good, but they are exposure not
the type of instruction that God is talking about here in
Proverbs. The Christian parent hopes it all turns out all right.
Parents that is not training!
A lot is said today
in Christian books on the subject of communication. Then they
proceed to tell us that we talk about ball games, any kind of
game, things children like etc. Listen carefully, God is saying
this instruction here deals with spiritually communicating.
Folks, this goes back to ministering to them the things of the
Lord. These are things the Lord has ministered to us. You must
take time in this communication to explain to Junior salvation,
repentance, being filled with the Spirit, walking in the Spirit,
how to pray, how to witness, how to study their Bible. You must
talk to them about God the Holy Spirit, God the Father, the
purpose of the church etc.
We have been
brainwashed to believe that the children will get that in Sunday
school and the Christian school. The child will never listen
there like he will to dad and mom on these areas. We will not be
able to talk about these subjects with our children if we do not
know what the Bible teaches about them. I hope you are starting
to see the void I am a talking about. In Proverbs you see the
father talking to his son about these and many other spiritual
things as well. Parents, the children must learn spiritual truth
from you.
The reason for the
massive spiritual failure is parents who are not willing to work
at their spiritual relationship and then working with their
children in spiritual matters. I have heard many parents say, "I
took Junior to church and he went away from God". The point is
you only gave him exposure not training. Then they say "he came
back to God after living in sin." I rejoice in that and am glad
God got a hold of his heart. The sad part is most do not come
back because they have only been given exposure and they see no
power or difference in that. If you are fortunate that God was
gracious and God did get a hold of that child's heart, we are
glad for that. However, many make major sin messes of their
lives in the meantime and make messes of other lives. The
teaching of Proverbs is start early and train the child and the
training will stay with him for the rest of his life. Exposure
without training is deadly to spirituality. If you do not train
him he will have to develop it himself. The big problem is he
has already been religious and saw no power or difference in
that.
A child that has
been trained properly will not be blown away when the time of
adversity comes because he will have seen you deal with problems
in the spiritual way and you showed him how.
Proverbs 24:10,
19:21, 9:10 "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength
is small. There are many devices in a man's heart: nevertheless
the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. The fear of the Lord
is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy is
understanding."
Remember parents the
father in Proverbs is telling all this to his son. Do you see
the way he talks to him? We have been brainwashed that somehow
we are not to communicate to our children spiritual things. That
might turn them away from God. No folks we are to work at
communicating God's truth to our children.
Some people will
even say, "let the Holy Spirit do the work." Dear friend what is
it that the Holy Spirit uses? The Word of God! Parents do not be
afraid to communicate spiritual truth to your children. In fact
you may have to force yourself to communicate to them. As you
listen and observe you will learn their strengths and weaknesses
and you learn about the child and their way. The lie of the
devil is you will drive them away. No, folks when they are young
you have a tremendous opportunity to mold their spiritually
thinking. Start off slowly and go deeper as they get more
understanding. Remember this is a spiritual growth process for
you and them. The more you communicate the more questions they
will have. This is a discipling factor for you. There should be
no greater joy than to disciple your own children. You must have
a passion and desire to work at spiritually training your
children.
Proverbs 23:26 "My
son, give me thine heart." How do you get their heart? Here he
just asked the child for it. All the way through Proverbs he
says, "Listen to me son." This is where love comes in. Verbalize
to your children you love them. Make sure they know and tell
them over and over that you love them and God loves them.
Husbands and fathers sometimes have a hard time with this. If
you start out early in marriage and when your children are small
this should not be a problem. If it is hard for your personality
ask the Lord to help you verbalize your love for your wife and
children. I have found the best way to do this is to verbalize
my love for the Lord to Him.
Dad, if all you ever
do is beat the tar out of the child and never tell them you love
them you are in trouble. Also, many parents do not understand
how to discipline their children and beating the tar out of them
is not God's method. I will deal with God's method in another
message. We do believe in spanking, but there is more to it than
that.
Dad we need to pray
for wisdom and ask God to show us where we need to work at in
the child's life. We need to know our weaknesses and the child's
weaknesses. Parents if we make a mistake, be willing to admit
it. We must respond to the Holy Spirit's conviction in our
lives.
I want to give you
ten brief items for review:
1. Parents must have
a spiritual relationship daily with the Lord. This relationship
must not be mechanical, but a spiritual relationship.
2. Parents need to
commit themselves to rearing godly children. Pray for wisdom and
the endurance daily to do so.
3. Be willing to
admit personal failure to God and the children.
4. Communicate
spiritually to your children. Make yourself talk to them about
spiritual things. We need to not only talk to them but to
instruct them on how to have a daily time with the Lord. We must
be available to instruct spiritually in all areas.
5. Explain to them
truths from God's Word.
6. Get the child's
heart. We need to pray for the child's heart and ask the child
for their heart.
7. Teach the child
to fear the Lord. Proverbs 1:7.
8. Talk to the
children about what God expects. You must do this more than once
and this should be a continual process.
9. Make sure you
tell the children you love them, that God loves them and you
must show them you do.
10. Children must
see parents submit and respond to the Holy Spirit. You must
respond to the Holy Spirit in the preaching and teaching of
God's word and in your own devotional life. You must teach and
encourage your children to do so as well.
The next message
deals with proper discipline of the child. What we have covered
up to now is extremely important, but proper discipline is
extremely important as well. Proverbs mentions it five times.
Finally we will cover what to do if you have failed to train
your child to live for God.
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